It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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