just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
