what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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