I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
