Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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