TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
