Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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