We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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