I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
