At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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