at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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