just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
