I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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