You can't special order awesome
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
