I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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