omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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