I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
