The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
