I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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