Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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