Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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