i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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