I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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