have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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