Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
