I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
