Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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