the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
