one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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