smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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