I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
