so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
