Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
