K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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