I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
