Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
