We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
