I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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