Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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