"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think people are normalizing furries
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
