I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
