If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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