I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
