mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
