I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
