Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
