Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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