So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
