paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize