Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize