Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
