we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
