This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
