im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
