batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
