she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
