Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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