That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
