Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
