Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
