i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
