so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
