Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
