A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
