You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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