I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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