I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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