he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
