Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
