I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
