Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize