Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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